New site!!!

I finally took the plunge and bought my own domain name. I will no longer be posting here, but at the new cite. So, please update your bookmarks, rss feed, etc. and come on over to the new place! I’m still playing around with formats and tweaking some things here and there. It’s a work in progress and will probably always be a work in progress as I teach myself how to design stuff.

Sometimes Meaningful Ramblings

My First! Blog! Award! Ever!

Can you tell I’m a little excited?  I received the One Lovely Blog Award from This is Mommyhood . Have I mentioned this is my First! Blog! Award! Ever!? I’m honored and I’m going to pay it forward. Many on this list are not new blogs, but they’re new to me (which be just about every blog since I haven’t been blogging that long!). I hope you’ll take the time to visit them because they are some fantastic writers. Enjoy!

Mommy Boots

My Messy Paradise

Amber Page Writes

Airing my Dirty Laundry

Jenn and Tonica

Chrissy

How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Mommy Melee

My Kids Might Be Martians

Amy’s Blam

My Pajama Days

Diapers, Dogs and Cooking in Heals

Extreme Adventures in Motherhood

Unmotherly Insights

Issa’s CrazyWorld

Now for the rules for accepting this award…

1. Accept the award. Post it on your blog with the name of the person who has granted the award and his or her blog link.

2. Pay it forward to 15 other bloggers that you have newly discovered.

3. Contact those blog owners and let them know they’ve been chosen.

Also, please don’t feel obligated to accept the award. I like your blogs and wanted to share.

Self-esteem issues? There’s a reality show for that

While browsing the news as I do every morning, I came across this article. Go read it, I’ll wait. Back? Are you as pissed off as I am? It is disheartening that there will be a TV show in which women compete to have major surgery to alter their body for no medically necessary reason. I have no doubt that E! will have no shortage of applications to sift through to pick the “lucky” contestants. This is Bridezillas meets The Swan. Just for curiosity’s sake, I did a quick google search for “plastic surgery iPhone apps.” The fact that these exist as well says a lot about society as a whole.

What saddens and frustrates me is that so many women will apply to be on this show. The average size of women is a size 14, yet some women still feel the need to try to reach some unattainable goal. It’s disturbing to me that a woman may have such a distorted self body image that she feels the need to go on this type of show to look “perfect” for her wedding. And what about the women that get voted off before their plastic surgery wish list is complete? What will they do then? Call me crazy, but the fact that these women are engaged must mean that their fiances accept them for who they are and how they look right now, imperfections and all. As well they should.

I’m overweight and have spent the majority of my life dealing with weight and self-esteem issues. I understand wanting to feel “perfect.” The difference is, I’ve redefined what perfect is to me. I don’t need to be a size 0 to feel good about myself. Yes, I’ve started a weight loss program, but it’s not to satisfy someone else’s vision of how I should look. It’s for health reasons. I’ll lose the weight I need to lose not to be accepted by people, but to live long enough to see my son graduate from high school. To see him finish college, get married, have children. I want to live to spend decades with the people who are important in my life. Obviously I’m not going to complain about being a smaller size, but I am happy with myself no matter my weight. I haven’t always been that way, and I participated in some pretty self-destructive behavior in my past in a misguided attempt to make myself feel better. Thankfully I recognized it, got the help I needed and accepted myself as-is and didn’t go on some perverse reality TV show. I have to wonder what the women who will end up on this show will look back tens years from now and think.

We don’t need plastic surgery reality shows. What we need is for women to start ignoring what the fashion industry, hollywood and magazines tells us the perfect body is. We need to learn to look in the mirror and love what we see, flaws and all.

When I look in the mirror I see fat where it shouldn’t be. I see breasts that are too small for a woman who wears the size I wear. I see a stomach that I don’t think will ever be flat. I see arm flab and fat elbows that make me not want to wear sleeveless or short-sleeved shirts. I see legs full of varicose veins, fat knees, fat ankles and cellulite. I see thighs that rub together when I walk. But? I also see a woman who gave birth to a fabulous child. I see a woman who does wear sleeveless and short-sleeved shirts. I see a woman who wears shorts despite the varicose veins, fat knees, ankles and cellulite. I see a woman who, faults and all, is confident and holds her head up high. I see a woman who has a fabulous man to share her life with, and a woman who doesn’t need that man to make her happy. She has learned that happiness comes from within and seeking outside sources to satisfy the need to be happy never works. Sure, I have times when my self-esteem takes a hit. I’m human. And that’s the point. We’re human. We are not perfect. There is no such thing as the perfect body. We need to learn to embrace ourselves and love ourselves. Our whole selves. Even the parts we don’t like.

Weight Loss Wednesdays

 

This is a weekly series on my blog to track my weight loss progress. Please feel free to join in. The more support on this journey, the better. Please grab the button from my sidebar and add it to your page if you’re going to join in. I think I’ve figured out this link thing, so if you’re joining in and you have a blog, please link up.

So after last week’s fiasco, I’m back and ready to post some progress on the weight loss front.  Since I started two weeks ago I’ve lost a total of 2.2 pounds.  I’m not thrilled with this progress, but losing any amount is better than gaining.  I had my stress test at the cardiologist on Monday and I go back on Thursday for the results.  I’m hoping everything is fine and that the Dr. will give me the go-ahead to start an exercise program.  At my initial appointment he said I would need to exercise an hour a day.  I think I’m going to have to work up to that a bit.  I’m totally out of shape.  Well, unless you count round.  Round IS  a shape.  I’m not in a position to re-activate my gym membership, but we do have the stationary recumbent bike at home.  I’ll use that.  The weather is finally starting to get a little less horrific down here in Florida, so I also plan to take more walks in the evening.  I may also try to DVR some exercise shows and do those as well.  I need variety or I’ll get bored.

I also wanted to share with you a great website.  It’s Spark People.  This website lets you track your weight, blood sugar, and any measurements you want.  It also has a journal to log all your food and track calories, fat, carbs, etc.  The best part?  It’s completely free!  So far I’ve only scratched the surface of all this website has to offer.  I highly encourage you to check it out.

Now, I have to confess something that may spark debate.  I have ordered Herbalife to kick-start my weight loss.  I did a fair amount of research and talked to my cardiologist about it.  He has okayed it.  I know some might thing it’s cheating in a way, but my view-point is whatever helps and is healthy is okay.  I don’t know how long I’ll stay on it, but I plan to do it for a minimum of 30 days and see where I am.  I will then determine if I want to continue with it or not.

So, how are you all doing with your weight loss programs?

Never forget

It was one of those defining moments.  Like millions of other people, I will always remember where I was when I heard that the first plane had hit the World Trade Center.  I was at work and had my radio on when I heard.  Then the second plane hit and there was no doubt that this was no accident.  I worked for a law firm at the time; on the 14th floor of a high-rise in downtown Orlando.  Our law firm took up several floors of the building, but ours was the only floor with a conference room with a TV and cable.  Suddenly we had 50+ people crammed into this conference room watching the events unfold on TV.  We watched as another plane hit the Pentagon and again as heroes took over the last of the hi-jacked planes and went down in Pennsylvania.   We watched in horror as people trapped in the World Trade Centers jumped to their death in desperation.  We watched in stunned silence as one tower fell and then the other.

Not knowing what might happen next, they sent us all home for the day.  I didn’t have cable at the time so on my way home I stopped and bought an antenna for my TV.  I watched every second of coverage I could.  Every year there are countless TV documentaries and 9/11 specials. Every year I watch as many as I can.  I do this because I think it’s important that we remember what happened that day.  It’s not easy footage to watch, but that’s also what makes it so important.

The world as we knew it changed that day.  My son has never known a world in which the World Trade Centers stood tall and proud.  His world is not defined by before 9/11 and after 9/11.  It’s imperative that we watch the footage and that our children watch the footage.  We must teach them why this day is so important in our history.  However, we must also teach them compassion, not hate.  It’s so easy to speak hatefully of the men that did this and for those specific people who propagated these attacks, hate them if you want to.  Don’t, however, hate an entire religion based on the actions of a few.  Don’t teach your children to hate an entire religion or group of people because of the actions of a few.  The events  on 9/11 were horrific and should never be forgotten.  They forever changed the way we view our world.  If we let hate and fear take over, we’ve accomplished nothing and given those who murdered just under 3000 people all the power.  Don’t give them that power.  They don’t deserve it.

Weightloss Wednesday, Toothless Thursday and Frantic Friday

I’ve been procrastinating on posting here because I finally took the plunge and bought my own domain name and I’m moving this over to a self-hosted blog. I was hoping it would be done by now, but we’re still tweaking a few things.

I didn’t forget about Weight Loss Wednesday either. Unfortunately, this week Weight Loss Wednesday became “have-a-tooth-pulled Wednesday” The day started off bad and only got worse. I lived with some jaw pain all day on Tuesday and by the time I woke up on Wednesday, it was unbearable. I woke up late Wednesday morning. I was running so late that I forgot to weigh myself and I forgot to take my blood sugar reading. I got to work and called the dentist’s office as soon as they opened. They got me a 10:30 appointment so I left work early and headed over there. I don’t know what I was expecting, but them telling me that I had a tooth that needed to come out right then and there was not it. When they told me I had to have a tooth pulled I said okay, I’ll make an appointment. They said no, it needs to be done now. Well okay then. I’ve never had a tooth pulled before.

This tooth is waaaaaaaaaaaaay in the back on the upper left hand side. The good Dr. got me all numbed up and away he went tugging and pulling and snipping and oh my god the sounds!!! No one should ever have to hear their tooth crunching and breaking and hear the roots being snipped. I still shudder now just thinking about it. Needless to say, after the Novocaine wore off, I was in a good amount of pain. The good Dr. gave me plenty of hydrocodone and that is what has kept me relatively sane the past two days. Unfortunately, I had to return to work today, and that means just plain old ibuprofen for pain, and that shit ain’t cutting it.

I’m counting the hours until I can return home and take real meds to take the edge off the pain. On the plus side, I did remember to weigh myself this morning and I’ve lost a pound. I was hoping for a bit more, but losing anything is better than gaining.

Weight Loss Wednesday will be back next week in full force and, with any luck, on the new site!

Weight Loss Wednesdays

This is the first in a new weekly series on my blog to track my weight loss progress. Please feel free to join in. The more support on this journey, the better. Please grab the button from my sidebar and add it to your page if you’re going to join in. If I ever figure out how to do a linky thing, I’ll add that too. UPDATE: I think I figured out the linky thing.

So, I’ve been confronted with my own mortality, and it sucks.  I’ve battled my weight pretty  much since puberty.  Up until then, I could eat whatever I wanted and never gained weight.  My mom had a hell of a time finding clothes that fit me because I was so skinny.  Then boom!  I could eat whatever I wanted and gain plenty of weight.  I was a chunky kid in middle school and my freshman and sophomore year in high school.  Then, as if by magic, I dropped a bunch of weight my junior year.  I wasn’t trying, it just happened.  I didn’t complain.  My prom dress?  A size 9.  My current size?  Double that.  I tend to be thinner when I’m single and heavier when I’m in a relationship.  I’m in a wonderful relationship and the heaviest I’ve ever been.  I’ve pretty much ignored it.  I’ve always known the weight needed to come off, but I would somehow justify every bite of food I put in my mouth.  I know the secret to losing weight.  Burn  more calories than you consume.  Easier said than done.  I even put my prom picture on the refrigerator door as motivation to stop eating so much.  It hasn’t worked.

Well, I can’t afford to put it off anymore.  I haven’t been feeling that great lately.  I finally broke down and went to the dr.  I am now a diabetic and on medication to control my blood sugar.  I am now on cholesterol medication to lower my 313 cholesterol.  He had to double my thyroid medication to get that under control as well.  I’m on non-steroid anti-inflammatories for the arthritis in my hips.  I’ve been having heart palpitations so he referred me to a cardiologist.  I saw him today.

The cardiologist pulled no punches.  He said I’m 36 going on 56 and that if I do nothing, I will have a major cardiac event within the next ten years.  Ten. Years.  He made it clear in no uncertain terms that if I did not lose the weight on my own, then I would have to have gastric bypass surgery.  Not the lap band.  I’m too effing fat for that.  No, the regular gastric bypass where they make your stomach the size of a walnut.  This?  Scares the shit out of me.  I’m 36 with a 7-year-old son whom I’d like to see grow up.  It’s time to stop the excuses.  It’s time to get serious.  I have 100 pounds to lose.  That number?  Hard for me to wrap my brain around.  I’m starting with smaller goals first.  My first goal will be to lose 25 pounds within the next 3 months.  At roughly 2 pounds a week, it’s a healthy rate in which to lose weight.

I’m not going on a diet.  This has to be a lifestyle change.  I can’t afford for it not to be.  I want to get off this diabetes medication that gives me horrible diarrhea.  I want to get off the cholesterol meds.  I’m 36 and now need a damn day of the week pill case to house all my medications.  Unacceptable.  I’m putting this out here for all the internet (and my 3 readers) to see because I need to be held accountable.  I’m not going to turn this blog into a weight loss blog, but I am going to post my progress every Wednesday.  I created a button for Weight Loss Wednesdays.  If you want to join, please grab it.  I have to share it with the world; it will help keep me honest and on task.  So here goes nothing!

The boys of fall

Ahhhh, fall.  The crisp, cool air.  The leaves changing colors.  The nights getting longer.  Digging out sweaters and jackets.  All tell-tale signs of fall.  Unless, like me, you live in Florida.  We don’t get any of that except the longer nights.  Today’s high was in the low 90’s.  The humidity was high.  We won’t get a break in the heat and humidity until the end of October/beginning of November.

Still, fall?  One of my favorite times of year.  Football season kicks off fall for me.  I endure the brutal summers longing for football season to start.  The smell of the grass on the field, the sound of pads hitting pads.  The referee’s whistle.  Those are the tell-tale signs of fall for me.  I am a college football fanatic (GO GATORS).  I like pro too, and just drafted my second fantasy football team.

Playing fantasy football definitely changes the way you watch pro football.  Instead of rooting for teams, you tend to root for the players on your fantasy team even if they play for a team you despise.  Still.  I love all of it.  There is nothing like sitting in the Swamp watching the Gators kill an opponent.  I’m really hoping to make it back up to Gainesville this year for a Gator game.  I become my 22 year old self again when I go to a Gator game.  With some of the things that have been going on lately, I’d like to relive some of my 22 year old self’s experiences.

So, while I won’t be digging out sweaters or jackets just yet, and I won’t be seeing any leaves changing colors; I do enjoy the longer nights.  I love going off daylight savings time.  So, what reminds you of fall?

Today can suck it

I’d really like to start this day over.  On second thought, no.  There’s not one moment of this day so far that I’d like to relive.  Let’s just fast foward to tomorrow, please.

It started by getting up extra early so that I could go have a vampire phlebotomist draw blood.  Now, I have very deep, difficult veins to find.  I know this.  I always inform the phlebotomist.  I expect pain.  It’s not their fault.  Today the phlebotomist decided to draw blood from my wrist because the vein was visible.  Let me just tell you, I’m not a whimp when it comes to needles.  I have four tattooes and they didn’t bother me.  Taking blood from the vein in my wrist?  Sweet baby jeebus that hurt!  Not only did inserting the needle hurt, but her moving it around and sticking it in deeper about sent me through the roof.  My doctor must have ordered every test under the sun, because she just kept filling vial after vial.  Six hours later my wrist is still so sore that my entire hand hurts.  After experiencing this pain, I don’t know how anyone slits their wrists when they decide to off themselves.

After leaving the vampire’s office, I went and voted.  This is about the only thing in my day so far that went well.  I get to work and have to deal with the backflow of stuff because I left early yesterday to attend to some health issues.  Spent part of the morning at work dealing with said health issues.

Lunch time arrives.  I look forward to getting out of the office for an hour.  I decide to drive a little further than usual and try a deli near downtown I’ve heard is good.  I fight the rain and the traffic all the way down there only to discover the place is out of business.  Decide to stop at steak and shake on my way back to the office.  I pull into the parking lot and around the building to the drive through.  Out of nowhere this bitch woman in a ginormous Escalade pulls in front of me and cuts me off in the drive through lane.  I resist the urge to get out of my car and bitch slap her.  I wait patiently as she orders food for an army.  My turn at the speaker arrives and I order a burger that comes with caramelized onions, cheese and butter.  Now, I don’t know about you, but steak and shake burgers are greasy enough without adding butter to the mix.  So why order it?  I want the caramlized onions.  I order said burger with no butter, but add ketchup and mayo.  I also order a drink, but no fries.  I get up to the window and pay and think the price is a little high, but whatever.  I get my food, I drive away.  I grab my burger and realize there are fries in the bag.  They charged me for the combo I didn’t order, but whatever.  No big deal.  Until.  I open the burger.  It has no ketchup.  No mayo.  Tons of butter.  I do a quick u-turn and go back.  I go inside and explain that nothing about my order, other than the drink, is correct.

The cashier refunds me for the fries and they make me a new burger.  The guy who is actually  making my burger comes up and asks me again, specifically how I want it.  He makes it, hands it to me and I leave.  As I’m walking to my car, Moses’ mom and dad are pulling into the parking spot next to mine and come within inches of hitting my car.  Seriously, at some point, driving tests should be required every year.  I get in my car and leave.  Get back on the road and open my burger.  The guy who specifically asked me how I wanted it made it the exact same way he did the first time.  The. Exact. Same. Way. 

Now, I know I should have checked it before I left the second time.  But the guy made it a point to come up to me and ask me exactly how I wanted it.  One would think since he asked, he’d make it the way I instructed.  One would be wrong.  At this point, going back was not an option.  I had to get back to work.  I did call and speak to a manager, and they’ll buy my lunch another day.  Wonderful.  I’ll make sure I triple check it.  In the mean time, I choked down the burger with butter because, well, I had to eat something.  I’m going to regret this all day long.

I’m hoping the rest of the day is fairly uneventful.  I’d just like to fast forward to being home and having wine and chocolate for dinner.

Because self love never disappoints

Romance.  It means different things to different people.  I’m not super sappy.  I don’t need The Man to say I love you 50 times a day.  I don’t need saccharine filled wall posts and comments on Facebook from him.  I’m not that neurotic insecure.  I know he loves me.  He tells me he loves me, even if it isn’t 50 times a day. 

However (you knew there was a however coming, didn’t you?), it’s nice to get those little romantic surprises every now and then.  Like a lot of women, I love flowers; specifically roses.  I know they’ll die in a matter of days.  I know they’re not practical.  I don’t care.  I like them.  I’m not particular about the color.  Any color will do.  Now, he has sent the requisite dozen roses to my office on Valentine’s Day, our anniversary, etc.  Sometimes though? I’d like to get roses or some other romantic gesture for no specific reason.  Just because it’s Tuesday.  Or whatever.  I took matters into my own hands and bought myself a dozen roses yesterday.  They’re pink, and they’re beautiful.  

Please to be ignoring the messy table they're sitting on.

 The Man noticed them and said he had thought a few days ago about buying me roses, but didn’t know where to get them where they wouldn’t cost an arm and a leg.  I need to teach him where to shop. 

See, he is more practical than romantic.  That’s ok, but there are times he needs to venture outside his comfort zone.  He hates shopping.  I don’t mean that he doesn’t really care for it.  He. Hates. It.  So, for Christmas, birthdays and other gift-giving occasions, he wants me to tell him exactly what I want.  He will go buy those items and call it a day.  He particularly loves when I find an item online and send him the link.  That way he doesn’t have to leave the comfort of the couch.  My Amazon wish list is his favorite friend.  Now, his reasoning behind this is that he doesn’t want to get me something I’m not going to like.  I can appreciate that.  However, it’s also nice to be surprised every now and then.  And really?  The thought DOES count.  Buying something from a list doesn’t require any much thought. Step outside your comfort zone and make an effort.  I promise to love it even if I don’t.  Last Christmas we decided that we would each get one small surprise gift to open on Christmas morning.  After all, we have kids and Christmas isn’t really about us anymore anyway.  Oh, and guess who gets to take care of shopping for the people on his Christmas list as well as my own?  It’s a damn good thing I like to shop.